Martin nods, visibly reassured by the touch to his shoulder. He takes a breath and continues.
"So Jon was back, which is great. And on top of being my boss, Jon is sort of my boyfriend? There's no abuse of power or anything there, we were just... two people, I think, who got a little overwhelmed by everything that we were dealing with at work. By work that we couldn't leave."
Speaking to the recorder, it's not so weird speaking about Jon as if he isn't there. Besides, the words are sort of just- coming, blurted out before the thoughts are fully formed and investigated.
"We had a pretty big row right after he came back. Everyone fights with the people they love sometimes, don't they? It wasn't that big of a deal, but it did somehow end with me deciding to move in with him, just so I could stay close. Easier to look after him that way, right? I feel like most people would probably get sick of living and working with the same person, but- right, no, not the point. Um, we decided to move in together a while back, and but my lease isn't up for a while, and so I haven't really been in any rush to get my things out. I've mostly just been staying at Jon's place, anyway.
So this afternoon..." He pauses to swallow. "This afternoon, on my way home from work, I thought I'd pop by my flat for a moment. Pick up some essentials that I'd left there- my laptop, mostly, a couple of outfits, things like that. Normal stuff. I was in a pretty good mood, all things considered? Sure, things were still weird at work, but Jon was back, and so was Tim, and I felt like... it was nice, feeling like I had direction again, finally. Muddied direction, sure, and it's still easy to feel like we're... just being puppeted around by some big spooky hand in the sky, but it's nice to pretend sometimes, isn't it?"
He licks his lips, trying so hard to keep himself on the point.
"So I was in a good mood when I went back to my old flat. I was sort of on autopilot, at least until I tried to slip past this woman to get to my door, and instead of heading on by me she just kind of leaned against the wall, I guess?" His face pales slightly. "God, if I had just- if I had known then what she'd done, if I'd known she'd been waiting for me..." He scrubs his face with his hands, trying to rally. "She insulted me a little bit, said I was- cute, and how surprised she was that the Archivist would have such bland taste? That put me on the defensive immediately, of course. I asked who she was, and she said her name was Jude Perry, who- Jon had met her before. She was with the Lightless Flame, she..."
Martin fidgets, and part of him revolts, because he doesn't want to be telling this, he isn't ready to re-live it yet, but it's too late now.
"I shook her hand, because I'm an idiot, I guess. She burned my hand like she burned Jon's, though not nearly as badly. The paramedic later said it was just a first-degree burn, so that's- it's something." He licks his lips, breathing carefully measured. "I told her she wasn't getting to Jon, and she replied that she wasn't there for him - she was there for me. I asked her why she attacked me and she told me that she didn't need a reason to, she just... I get the feeling that's just the kind of thing she does. It made her happy, hearing my scream. She was laughing at me."
The blistered skin of his hand stings, and unconsciously Martin is pulling his hand against himself, like he might be able to shield it from the memory.
"She said she'd- love to take me apart, piece by piece. And then, her words as best as I remember them? She said, um, 'Tell your Archivist that I heard about what happened to Mike Crew. Tell him that he doesn't get to use my words-- against me?' Or, um, 'To shift the board,' I think is what she said exactly. She was getting hotter then, like- her body, I could feel heat just radiating off of her, and the hallway was starting to smoke, but I was in pain and didn't even realize..."
Another swallow, before he continues in a tone flatter than before.
"She said the next time she saw Jon that he'd owe her 'a great deal more screaming than our first handshake.' I remember that part pretty specifically. And then she said- 'I could always take that payment from you.' Something about- his screaming being more satisfying at that."
That was a part he'd deliberately left out, a part he'd never meant for Jon to hear.
"She left, and I told her not to go near him, I - screamed it at her in the hallway, but she didn't care. Then I finally noticed that - my apartment was on fire. She must have set something alight while she waited for me, and my doorknob was hot, so I didn't dare open it up, but I pulled the fire alarm and called emergency services. I waited outside, too, for them to show up, and that's when they bandaged my hand..."
He trails off, jaw set tensely and uncomfortably.
"It wasn't until I got back to Jon's that I found out she'd - I didn't check any of the other rooms on my floor. She'd been in them, too. Dozens of people were killed, but not me." His hands are shaking just very, very slightly. "And then I came back here, and now I'm charging my phone. That's it."
no subject
"So Jon was back, which is great. And on top of being my boss, Jon is sort of my boyfriend? There's no abuse of power or anything there, we were just... two people, I think, who got a little overwhelmed by everything that we were dealing with at work. By work that we couldn't leave."
Speaking to the recorder, it's not so weird speaking about Jon as if he isn't there. Besides, the words are sort of just- coming, blurted out before the thoughts are fully formed and investigated.
"We had a pretty big row right after he came back. Everyone fights with the people they love sometimes, don't they? It wasn't that big of a deal, but it did somehow end with me deciding to move in with him, just so I could stay close. Easier to look after him that way, right? I feel like most people would probably get sick of living and working with the same person, but- right, no, not the point. Um, we decided to move in together a while back, and but my lease isn't up for a while, and so I haven't really been in any rush to get my things out. I've mostly just been staying at Jon's place, anyway.
So this afternoon..." He pauses to swallow. "This afternoon, on my way home from work, I thought I'd pop by my flat for a moment. Pick up some essentials that I'd left there- my laptop, mostly, a couple of outfits, things like that. Normal stuff. I was in a pretty good mood, all things considered? Sure, things were still weird at work, but Jon was back, and so was Tim, and I felt like... it was nice, feeling like I had direction again, finally. Muddied direction, sure, and it's still easy to feel like we're... just being puppeted around by some big spooky hand in the sky, but it's nice to pretend sometimes, isn't it?"
He licks his lips, trying so hard to keep himself on the point.
"So I was in a good mood when I went back to my old flat. I was sort of on autopilot, at least until I tried to slip past this woman to get to my door, and instead of heading on by me she just kind of leaned against the wall, I guess?" His face pales slightly. "God, if I had just- if I had known then what she'd done, if I'd known she'd been waiting for me..." He scrubs his face with his hands, trying to rally. "She insulted me a little bit, said I was- cute, and how surprised she was that the Archivist would have such bland taste? That put me on the defensive immediately, of course. I asked who she was, and she said her name was Jude Perry, who- Jon had met her before. She was with the Lightless Flame, she..."
Martin fidgets, and part of him revolts, because he doesn't want to be telling this, he isn't ready to re-live it yet, but it's too late now.
"I shook her hand, because I'm an idiot, I guess. She burned my hand like she burned Jon's, though not nearly as badly. The paramedic later said it was just a first-degree burn, so that's- it's something." He licks his lips, breathing carefully measured. "I told her she wasn't getting to Jon, and she replied that she wasn't there for him - she was there for me. I asked her why she attacked me and she told me that she didn't need a reason to, she just... I get the feeling that's just the kind of thing she does. It made her happy, hearing my scream. She was laughing at me."
The blistered skin of his hand stings, and unconsciously Martin is pulling his hand against himself, like he might be able to shield it from the memory.
"She said she'd- love to take me apart, piece by piece. And then, her words as best as I remember them? She said, um, 'Tell your Archivist that I heard about what happened to Mike Crew. Tell him that he doesn't get to use my words-- against me?' Or, um, 'To shift the board,' I think is what she said exactly. She was getting hotter then, like- her body, I could feel heat just radiating off of her, and the hallway was starting to smoke, but I was in pain and didn't even realize..."
Another swallow, before he continues in a tone flatter than before.
"She said the next time she saw Jon that he'd owe her 'a great deal more screaming than our first handshake.' I remember that part pretty specifically. And then she said- 'I could always take that payment from you.' Something about- his screaming being more satisfying at that."
That was a part he'd deliberately left out, a part he'd never meant for Jon to hear.
"She left, and I told her not to go near him, I - screamed it at her in the hallway, but she didn't care. Then I finally noticed that - my apartment was on fire. She must have set something alight while she waited for me, and my doorknob was hot, so I didn't dare open it up, but I pulled the fire alarm and called emergency services. I waited outside, too, for them to show up, and that's when they bandaged my hand..."
He trails off, jaw set tensely and uncomfortably.
"It wasn't until I got back to Jon's that I found out she'd - I didn't check any of the other rooms on my floor. She'd been in them, too. Dozens of people were killed, but not me." His hands are shaking just very, very slightly. "And then I came back here, and now I'm charging my phone. That's it."