fuck elias man

[statementends]

Jon's hesitant to leave Elias' office and no, it was certainly not because he wanted to be in the man's presence anymore than necessary. The state Elias drove Martin into, ready to sacrifice himself on the chance at something changing, that haunted Jon more than he liked to admit. It felt like a barely dodged bullet, which felt like most things these days, really.

No, his hesitance was more an uncertainty of what to do now. He dropped off the radar, from Georgie and Martin, for five days and he could only imagine how they'd both react. At least he left Georgie a note when he left to stay with Martin, she had some idea, even if it was a vague one. Martin, on the other hand, he didn't contact at all.

Yes, that... was a mistake. He knew that.

It seemed like a small thing to worry about in the grand scheme of things- people were dead, he was turning into a monster, Basira and Daisy were now tied to it and, it turns out, Elias had a kill switch to keep them all in line. Now that he saw Tim it was pretty obvious he wasn't doing well and, if Jon was going to be honest with himself, unlikely to last if all he heard was true. 'Feed your god or it feeds on you.' Tim certainly looked... lesser.

"Jon?" Elias' tone is pointed, and Jon sighs. He doesn't bother any sort of goodbye as he goes out.

He wonders, briefly, if he could avoid Martin and just... go take this statement now. He didn't want to, not really, avoid Martin at least. He sort of wanted to just convince Martin to put off everything that needed to be said so they could go to bed and just sleep, have Martin close. Maybe take the statement first, the urge was strong.

Comments

[corkscrewed]

Martin gives him a funny little look, one that might be hard to read in the dim room, but it's still certainly there. "Why in the world would I get into bed if I wasn't going to sleep?"

[statementends]

"Well you aren't under the covers." Jon tries not to sound slightly petulant, he really does. He fails, and sighs. "I'd request you be here when I wake up but I suppose that'd be rather hypocritical of me given the circumstances."

[corkscrewed]

"Jon-"

If Martin sounds exasperated, it's mostly at himself. He shifts then to climb beneath the covers, giving him a pointed look as if to ask if this is better, before he finally shifts closer to kiss him properly. It's a little sharper than his typical ones, sincere but quick, and he huffs softly when he pulls away. Not far, but enough to give them both a little space.

"I'm not going anywhere, for god's sake. I'm not the one who's run away from you. I'm never the one who runs away." God, he'd been worried sick when Tim had just stopped showing up one day. "I'll be here. So just get some rest, okay?"

[statementends]

"Ah." Is what Jon has to say about that. The contact seems to appease him, because yes he is a child and yes he was getting ornery because he wanted affection, not that he'd ever admit or even realize it. Sorry Martin. "Right, right. Fine. Just... get some sleep too."

He wants to close the space but decides ultimately to respect the small distance Martin set, settling himself as best he could and closing his eyes. He hadn't been sure he'd be able to sleep before but physical exhaustion thankfully reared it's head, and it wasn't long before he was drifting off, fitful or not.

[corkscrewed]

True to his word, Martin will still be there when Jon wakes up- watching him, actually. He's still lying in much the same position as he was when he went to sleep. He's stiff, his face still exhausted, but it's clear that he's had some measure of sleep, at least.

"Morning," he mumbles when Jon's eyes finally open. "You coming into the office today?"

[statementends]

Jon blinks blearily, he probably shouldn't be getting used to the feeling of being watched but there they were. He then squints, taking Martin in more, somewhere between relieved he kept his promise and agitated. "You should have slept more." He murmurs, and considers just trying to go back to sleep. Everything ached and he had a fine case of early morning apathy going but-

He sighs and sits up, rubbing his face. "Yes, too much to do. I can hardly not show up after the drama yesterday- lord, I hope Daisy isn't there. Could do with never seeing her again."

[corkscrewed]

"Can't go back to sleep. We'll miss the train if we sleep any later." His heart is beating in his throat for a reason he can't pinpoint, and he really, really wishes he knew what the cause of his sudden, stupid spike of anxiety was. He's so tired that his face feels heavy.

Martin swallows.

"It'll be good. To have you back around in the office again."

[statementends]

Jon exhales, it was strange that he had to worry about things like commutes and being into work on time. Not that he really worried before, he was always into work on time, though now he wondered how much of that was the compulsion to there than his own work ethic.

He glances to Martin again, rubbing at his throat to test the tenderness before speaking. "Are you alright?" Of course that was a stupid question, none of them were alright but Martin seemed so... mechanical? Strained? Through everything after they left the Institute.

[corkscrewed]

The look that Martin shoots him is baffled and possibly a little offended. "What? No, I'm not alright. Of course I'm not alright." He sits up, taking in a breath that is honestly a little shuddery. "You left me, Jon. You left and I - I thought you were gone. That you were for real gone. Because why else would you leave without a note, what could make you just- disappear for days. Where would you go."

He scrubs at his eye with the heel of his hand, his throat thick.

"Or I thought- maybe someone had captured you. Maybe you were being tortured for information, and here I was, having a cheese sandwich for lunch and pretending like things were fine, because- because I didn't know what else to do. How else to be. So no, Jon, I'm not okay, it's going to take me a while to be okay again, if that's- okay with you."

He hates this, the bitterness, the upset, wishes that he could just stow them all away and just relish in appreciation of the fact that Jon was back. Injured, yes, but not dead.

[statementends]

Yes, stupid question- and of course he realizes with a wince it was a question, meaning he may have forced it out of Martin. Wonderful, just what Martin needed right now. He keeps his mouth shut, he wants nothing more than to reach out to Martin but the flinching back of last night stays in his mind and he refrains.

The absolute worst part was he wasn't sure he could say it'd never happen again. He nods, hand dropping to the sheets. "What can I- ugh, I want to know if there's anything I can do. For you. You don't have to go in today, after everything Elias owes that much.

[corkscrewed]

"I can't just stay home," Martin says miserably, and it doesn't even occur to him that the answer may have been compelled out of him. "Melanie does have- any regard for the proper way of doing things-" He literally cannot believe he's saying that, "and Tim's still-"

Martin flounders and trails off.

"I need to be there. I'll be alright. Sorry to have just- gone off on you like that. You don't need this stress on top of everything else, too."

[statementends]

"Don't be sorry, I likely compelled you without meaning to. If anything I should apologize." Jon waves a hand with a sigh. "And I'd rather you did, I deserve it. I might be an ass but I'm not delusional about it."

With that out of the way he glances over again. "'Any regard for the proper way of doing things?'" He quotes, lips nearly quirking. He leaves it at that, you're welcome. "Martin, the place can handle one day alone. Besides, I'll go in and make sure things are as they should be. You've been handling that long enough."

[corkscrewed]

Martin doesn't seem to catch the fact that Jon is amused- if anything, it just makes him breathe a long sigh. "No, she doesn't really know where things go or what the proper- channels are and she doesn't really seem to want to learn..."

He drags himself out of bed and heads to the kitchen, door open behind him so Jon can hear him as he talks. He's putting a kettle on for tea. "I'm not letting you go in without me."

[statementends]

Jon stays quiet for a long few moments, closing his eyes and feeling all the various aches and strains and general tension that refused to go away. "Then let's both stay home." He finally says, unsure if Martin can even hear him. He feels... weird? For saying it. Wrong in a way. He can't tell if it's years of never taking days off if he could help it or some sort of pull to the Archives he's been separated from for too long.

Just saying it drains him, but in the end he's glad he did. At least it was a choice made entirely on his own, and for Martin's sake for once.

[corkscrewed]

"You just said that you have to go in today. Don't..."

He takes a long, careful breath, kettle on before he steps back into the bedroom. He approaches Jon, then, gently grabbing the hem of his shirt. Touching him, because he feels like it's important to try to close some of the distance between them.

"You don't have to protect me. Alright?"

[statementends]

"It's not... not protection. I want to do right by you for damn once." Jon murmurs, hand clenching the bed sheets because he's pretty sure he'd latch on to Martin if he didn't. "When we go back in it will all be the same nonsense, those damnable statements and Elias' blackmail. I'll have to go try and track down Breekon & Hope and pray they'll be less intense than the others I've met so far. I sincerely doubt it, given who they likely serve."

He was hoping Elias wouldn't send him in the direction of certain death just yet, but given Elias he wasn't really holding his breath. "I need to go in because that's the Archivist does, yes? And you need to go in because you're the only one of the lot trying to keep everything together. So yes, Martin, I did say that, but it isn't what you or I need. It's what it needs."

[corkscrewed]

"Then tell me, Jon."

Martin's voice is smaller, his fingers flexing slightly in the fabric of Jon's shirt, but he doesn't release it entirely. He does drop his eyes, though, and part of him just sounds- defeated.

"Tell me what it is I need." He's being sincere.

[statementends]

That breaks Jon's heart a bit, and he's not even entirely sure why. Maybe the tone, or maybe why was obvious and he was just too tired in a way a night of sleep wasn't going to fix. He hesitates a moment before placing a hand on Martin's wrist.

"I don't know. I wish I did." He admits and tries to swallow his own defeat. "Maybe taking the day off is it, maybe it will make things worse. More than likely it won't matter at all."

[corkscrewed]

"You'll actually stay here with me if you do?" Martin hates how uncertain his own voice is, hates at this point how desperately he still seeks validation from Jon. "Because if you're just going to sneak off and go in the second I fall asleep, I'd just-rather be there with you in the first place."

[statementends]

"No, I'll stay." Jon answers, sincere in this. After a beat he chuckles, though it's strained and hardly pleasant. "Honestly Martin? I want nothing more right now than some painkillers, a cup of tea and lie right here, with you, and just... just stop, for a moment. That's not unreasonable, is it?"

[corkscrewed]

Martin leans in to press a kiss against Jon's brow, lingering there for a long, tired moment. "I'll get you the painkillers. Kettle's already on, so tea'll just be a minute. Lie back down, would you?"

And then he's gone, much more motivated now than when he thought he was going to work.

[statementends]

"... alright." Jon answers, watching him go before doing just as Martin said. Part of him wanted to argue, whether it be that he didn't need the sort of care Martin gave or perhaps didn't deserve it, not after leaving him in the dark for five days. Of course there was the part of him that drank it up, because if he was going to be honest with himself affection wasn't something he ever had in surplus. It was rather addictive, he came to find, now that he had Martin giving it so readily.

Maybe a dog or something wouldn't be so bad, really- not that he was admitting that to Martin anytime soon.

He also found, or hoped, that Martin got something out of caring for people the way he did. Maybe it was some level of control he didn't have for so long, or maybe it was just natural. He wanted to ask one day but now that seemed rather underhanded, at least until he got this compulsion nonsense under control. If he did.

He considers getting up to try and find Martin's cellphone, give Elias call and say they weren't coming in and Elias owed him that much. It would probably look strange to the others but Jon was far beyond the point of caring if they knew about him and Martin. He was more concerned with several other things they'd have to learn soon enough.

Jon doesn't move though, because he felt he owed Martin to be exactly where he was supposed to be when he got back, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to focus on any nonsense other than where he probably should be right now.

[corkscrewed]

It'll be a few minutes before Martin returns with the tea, looking just as worn down as before - but some of the hopelessness seems to have passed. Some of the weight has slid off of his shoulders, at the very least, even as he moves to sit next to Jon - right up against his side this time, hip and leg touching - before he passes him the cup of tea.

"Tell me we've got a shot," he says quietly, studying his lap and the contents of his own cup. "I don't care if you believe it or not. Lie to me if you have to. Just- tell me we've all got a shot of making it out of here alive. I just - I just want to hear it from someone other than myself."

[statementends]

Jon shifts towards his space, thankful for the contact as he carefully takes his cup. That's a question- or more a request- and he considers it solemnly as he waits for his tea to cool.

"Honestly I don't need to lie, I don't know enough to assume we're doomed. We may have a real shot at all this." He answers after a beat, and hey, it was true. Maybe they weren't destined to die horribly. He very much doubted it, it was not in his nature to be optimistic like that, but it was a fact. "One of the other domains, the Stranger, it wants to recreate the world in its image, or at least an image closer to it than us. Elias wants me to stop it. Gertrude was trying, before... whatever exactly happened there."

He glances over, not remotely hopeful looking as most would probably like when being reassuring but heck, he was trying in his own way. "I don't know what happens after that, if we succeed. Maybe... maybe it will be enough."

[corkscrewed]

"God- are you serious? Why wouldn't Elias- why does Elias think we don't need to know these things?"

And then, very, very cautiously, Martin sags a little against Jon's side. Not much, and not hard, like he's afraid Jon might break if he puts too much weight against him, but the intent is there.

"And why does it have to be you? I hate this job."