fuck elias man

[statementends]

Jon's hesitant to leave Elias' office and no, it was certainly not because he wanted to be in the man's presence anymore than necessary. The state Elias drove Martin into, ready to sacrifice himself on the chance at something changing, that haunted Jon more than he liked to admit. It felt like a barely dodged bullet, which felt like most things these days, really.

No, his hesitance was more an uncertainty of what to do now. He dropped off the radar, from Georgie and Martin, for five days and he could only imagine how they'd both react. At least he left Georgie a note when he left to stay with Martin, she had some idea, even if it was a vague one. Martin, on the other hand, he didn't contact at all.

Yes, that... was a mistake. He knew that.

It seemed like a small thing to worry about in the grand scheme of things- people were dead, he was turning into a monster, Basira and Daisy were now tied to it and, it turns out, Elias had a kill switch to keep them all in line. Now that he saw Tim it was pretty obvious he wasn't doing well and, if Jon was going to be honest with himself, unlikely to last if all he heard was true. 'Feed your god or it feeds on you.' Tim certainly looked... lesser.

"Jon?" Elias' tone is pointed, and Jon sighs. He doesn't bother any sort of goodbye as he goes out.

He wonders, briefly, if he could avoid Martin and just... go take this statement now. He didn't want to, not really, avoid Martin at least. He sort of wanted to just convince Martin to put off everything that needed to be said so they could go to bed and just sleep, have Martin close. Maybe take the statement first, the urge was strong.

Comments

[statementends]

"You- really?" Jon blinks, and yes a sane person would be focusing on the important shit here but not Jon. "That's ah... rather sweet, I suppose. Admittedly if it was anyone else it'd be thoroughly creepy but you've always been something of a special case."

He realizes after a beat he should, you know, address the important things. He clears his throat, which hurts thanks to Alice 'Dull Knife' Tonner and he grimaces. "Sorry, but do you understand now? As far as I know any question I ever asked you after becoming Archivist forced an answer, whether you wanted to or not. Every time I asked something personal, every time I was frustrated and demanded an answer- all of it, Martin."

[corkscrewed]

"It is creepy, which is exactly why I'd never intended to tell you." Martin isn't blind to the way Jon grimaces, though, and his eyes track back to his throat- linger there. "Do you want an ice pack or something? Will that help? And - yes, Jon, I get it, but that's fine. It's not like you were doing it on purpose, were you?"

[statementends]

"Was this before the- damnit all." Not being about to ask questions is killing him. He's too nosy. Fucking Elias and the fucking Beholding. "Nevermind, just... point out if I start asking questions, I'm trying not to." But he's nosy.

The fact Martin's only reaction is 'that's fine' throws him for a bit of a loop, and he ignores the throat bit. "I wasn't but- lord, Martin, I'm not even human. I don't even know how far this goes, and frankly Elias was god damned right. What does it matter if I wasn't doing it on purpose, I wanted to know and that fed this... this thing that's binding us all. I don't know where curiosity begins and it ends, or what it means for you, what the statements are doing to you or what an assistant truly is if the head of the Institute is some all knowing beast and the archivist is just his pet monster."

He stands and starts pacing as he says all this, someone's getting worked up. Frankly he was terrified about what this meant for the assistants, it felt too late for him and Elias, whatever the hell they were now.

[corkscrewed]

"Wh- wait, what are you even going on about? Of course you're human. It's- oh my god, Jon, just because you've got some sort of- X-Men truth powers doesn't mean that you're not human."

It's becoming increasingly difficult to stay as angry at him as Martin wants to be, especially when he sees the way he's pacing. He stands up, too, but doesn't chase him down- he just watches him pace, momentarily frozen as he tries to figure out how to help from here.

"Honestly... who cares? At least right now? We're stuck in this thing. Fine, that's - none of this is worth worrying about right now. You can obsess over it after you've finished your food and gotten some sleep, alright?"

[statementends]

"Maybe now but that doesn't mean it won't get worse. One of Gertrude's tapes, in it a man came in and talked about some- some horrible creature lurking under Alexandria. Gertrude said it was probably an Archivist once, and when I asked Elias- ha, like he's ever going to give a straight answer. The one person I'd like to be able to compel."

Well he's on a roll now, a week of tension finally snapping. "I can't not worry about it, ever since Jude I just- I should have known what I was doing was stupid but the very idea of stopping seemed impossible. If I went to you, if I went to Georgie, you would stop me. That's the worst part, isn't it? I wasn't even worried about you getting involved so much as I couldn't have you stop me from learning more. Because you could, Martin, I really think you could have stopped me and somehow that's more frightening than anything. What would Elias do to you then? Or this Eye?"

[corkscrewed]

They would have killed him, most likely. Martin thinks that and knows with a cold, settled certainty that he's right. That his own life is nothing next to Jon's, at least in Elias's eyes. That he and the rest of the assistants are, quite literally, fodder.

He watches him, silent, before he just shakes his head and starts packing up the remnants of lunch.

"I'm putting these in the refrigerator for you," he says, his voice a little stiff. "For when you decide that you're hungry again. I'll put some clean towels in the shower, too, though you should probably keep your hand from getting too wet."

[statementends]

Jon watches him helplessly for a moment before trying to pull together his composure enough for a firm nod. "Right, yes. A shower would be nice."

He glances at the hall to the bathroom, then whichever way the exit was, then Martin. "I can leave, if you want. Give you some time to think."

[corkscrewed]

"No." There's a sharpness in his voice that surprises even Martin, and then it cracks just slightly- crackles with what seems like an echo of honest to god fear. "Don't leave again, Jon. Please. Not yet."

[statementends]

It does surprise Jon, though that's quickly turned to sympathy and his old pal, guilt over bad decisions. He starts to walk over, stops, then nods. "I won't. I'd rather stay."

After a few moments of waffling over it he approaches, reaching tentatively to touch Martin's jaw with his good hand. It's pretty clear he wants more, he'd love nothing more than to drag Martin unsexily to bed and just stay there for a few days. Of course he's far too gross for that, and given everything he wasn't sure how welcomed any of that would be, so he just swallows and nods again. "Shower, right."

[corkscrewed]

Martin wants more, too- wants to reach out and touch him, to confirm that he's real and that he's there and, at least for this moment- that he's okay. Instead, reflexively, he flinches very slightly under the touch, before he swallows hard and nods.

"We can talk after you do." He can bring back up all of those things Jon was talking about while he paced, but first- just a moment to clear his head. A moment of lying in his bed, in silence, staring at the wall as he waits for Jon to get out of the shower.

[statementends]

The flinch makes Jon pull his hand back as quickly as he can manage, he could say like he was burned but he was completely done with the idea of being burnt again for a while. He tries very hard not to think of the things Daisy said about his humanity, or what Elias implied, or the fact people flinched away from monsters or things that could harm them. Have harmed them, because Jon certainly has done that.

He makes a hasty retreat to the bathroom, where he does linger on bleak thoughts because that's the dour sort he is. Cleaning is a challenge, between doing it one handed and trying to be careful with the other. He tries to clean it as gently as possible and it hurts like hell so he gives up after a while. The whole thing takes much longer than he assumed, the water starting to go cold when he finally accepts it was good enough. He definitely had a bit of soap left in his hair he hastily cleans off with the sink when he realizes. He's an adult.

Clothes were the next problem. There was no way he was going back into the clothes he helped bury a body in, thank you, and he didn't have the forethought to ask Martin for some spare pajamas or something. He settles with a towel around the waist, and embraces the sense of awkwardness with the situation rather than the more unpleasant things he could focus on. When he reaches Martin's room he opens the door a crack, knocking on the doorframe.

"Could I borrow something? I don't ah... have anything clean to wear with me."

[corkscrewed]

Honestly, Martin is mostly-- out of sorts for a majority of Jon's shower. He needs to be thinking, making plans, figuring out what their next course of action is going to be, but he can't. His mind is persistently, stubbornly blank, enough so that he looks up in surprise when Jon knocks on the doorframe.

"Oh, right, sorry," he says, getting up and heading to his dresser. "I meant to- here. I've washed all the clothes you've left here, but - here, pajamas. I meant to put them out." A pause, and then- "You can just get dressed in here, you know. It's fine."

[statementends]

"Oh... well, thank you. Will be a bloody relief to be in my own clothes." Full offense, tshirts. Getting changed in front of Martin wasn't exactly novel but he still feels awkward, more from the situation than anything else. He walks in regardless, accepting the pajamas with a nod before-

Right, putting them on was going to be an elegant affair. Screw Jude Perry.

The pants aren't as bad, thankfully, but the shirt is difficult to work around his arm without hissing in discontent. He tries not to, for Martin's sake and his own stubbornness, and when he's finally done his hair is a mess again and his glasses are askew.

[corkscrewed]

Martin winces, and he'd been ready to tell Jon to forget it, to just sleep without a shirt, but at that point it seemed too little too late. So he just swallows some of his upset and stands up, approaching Jon to reach up and smooth his hair down, before he removes his glasses for him and places them gently on the bedside table.

"Do you need anything else?" Asked quietly, but sincerely. "Before I turn out the lights."

[statementends]

Jon freezes and waits, relaxing slightly when Martin sorts out his hair and glasses. He almost asks if Martin was going to leave, go sleep on the couch or something, which is ridiculous. Well, Martin giving up his bed wasn't out of character but if Martin didn't want to be around him he would have accepted Jon going home, right? Right.

"No, I- thank you." He answers, taking a moment before sitting on the bed. "No this is... all I want."

[corkscrewed]

"Well... good. You look like you could use some rest." Martin, still partially in his own little world mentally, flips the switch off for the light in the room. He doesn't wait for Jon to lie down - instead, he just crawls up into his usual spot next to him, though he doesn't quite get beneath the covers yet. "Wake me up if you need anything. Okay?"

[statementends]

"So do you." Jon points out as he does crawl under the covers, taking care of his arm and not to get too close if that's what Martin needed. He didn't really know. "Are you going to sleep or just wait for me to?"

[corkscrewed]

Martin gives him a funny little look, one that might be hard to read in the dim room, but it's still certainly there. "Why in the world would I get into bed if I wasn't going to sleep?"

[statementends]

"Well you aren't under the covers." Jon tries not to sound slightly petulant, he really does. He fails, and sighs. "I'd request you be here when I wake up but I suppose that'd be rather hypocritical of me given the circumstances."

[corkscrewed]

"Jon-"

If Martin sounds exasperated, it's mostly at himself. He shifts then to climb beneath the covers, giving him a pointed look as if to ask if this is better, before he finally shifts closer to kiss him properly. It's a little sharper than his typical ones, sincere but quick, and he huffs softly when he pulls away. Not far, but enough to give them both a little space.

"I'm not going anywhere, for god's sake. I'm not the one who's run away from you. I'm never the one who runs away." God, he'd been worried sick when Tim had just stopped showing up one day. "I'll be here. So just get some rest, okay?"

[statementends]

"Ah." Is what Jon has to say about that. The contact seems to appease him, because yes he is a child and yes he was getting ornery because he wanted affection, not that he'd ever admit or even realize it. Sorry Martin. "Right, right. Fine. Just... get some sleep too."

He wants to close the space but decides ultimately to respect the small distance Martin set, settling himself as best he could and closing his eyes. He hadn't been sure he'd be able to sleep before but physical exhaustion thankfully reared it's head, and it wasn't long before he was drifting off, fitful or not.

[corkscrewed]

True to his word, Martin will still be there when Jon wakes up- watching him, actually. He's still lying in much the same position as he was when he went to sleep. He's stiff, his face still exhausted, but it's clear that he's had some measure of sleep, at least.

"Morning," he mumbles when Jon's eyes finally open. "You coming into the office today?"

[statementends]

Jon blinks blearily, he probably shouldn't be getting used to the feeling of being watched but there they were. He then squints, taking Martin in more, somewhere between relieved he kept his promise and agitated. "You should have slept more." He murmurs, and considers just trying to go back to sleep. Everything ached and he had a fine case of early morning apathy going but-

He sighs and sits up, rubbing his face. "Yes, too much to do. I can hardly not show up after the drama yesterday- lord, I hope Daisy isn't there. Could do with never seeing her again."

[corkscrewed]

"Can't go back to sleep. We'll miss the train if we sleep any later." His heart is beating in his throat for a reason he can't pinpoint, and he really, really wishes he knew what the cause of his sudden, stupid spike of anxiety was. He's so tired that his face feels heavy.

Martin swallows.

"It'll be good. To have you back around in the office again."

[statementends]

Jon exhales, it was strange that he had to worry about things like commutes and being into work on time. Not that he really worried before, he was always into work on time, though now he wondered how much of that was the compulsion to there than his own work ethic.

He glances to Martin again, rubbing at his throat to test the tenderness before speaking. "Are you alright?" Of course that was a stupid question, none of them were alright but Martin seemed so... mechanical? Strained? Through everything after they left the Institute.