fuck elias man

[statementends]

Jon's hesitant to leave Elias' office and no, it was certainly not because he wanted to be in the man's presence anymore than necessary. The state Elias drove Martin into, ready to sacrifice himself on the chance at something changing, that haunted Jon more than he liked to admit. It felt like a barely dodged bullet, which felt like most things these days, really.

No, his hesitance was more an uncertainty of what to do now. He dropped off the radar, from Georgie and Martin, for five days and he could only imagine how they'd both react. At least he left Georgie a note when he left to stay with Martin, she had some idea, even if it was a vague one. Martin, on the other hand, he didn't contact at all.

Yes, that... was a mistake. He knew that.

It seemed like a small thing to worry about in the grand scheme of things- people were dead, he was turning into a monster, Basira and Daisy were now tied to it and, it turns out, Elias had a kill switch to keep them all in line. Now that he saw Tim it was pretty obvious he wasn't doing well and, if Jon was going to be honest with himself, unlikely to last if all he heard was true. 'Feed your god or it feeds on you.' Tim certainly looked... lesser.

"Jon?" Elias' tone is pointed, and Jon sighs. He doesn't bother any sort of goodbye as he goes out.

He wonders, briefly, if he could avoid Martin and just... go take this statement now. He didn't want to, not really, avoid Martin at least. He sort of wanted to just convince Martin to put off everything that needed to be said so they could go to bed and just sleep, have Martin close. Maybe take the statement first, the urge was strong.

Comments

[statementends]

"I-" Jon stares a moment, because yes of course his mind automatically goes to 'breaking up with me.' He struggles rather intensely with this, a large part of him ready to beg Martin for a second chance or something equally selfish and ridiculous, the kind of nonsense you only saw in movies. And it was selfish, of course, because at the moment losing the only person he ever actually loved made it feel like he was that much closer to becoming a creature more than a man.

Boy, struggling a lot today. He finally nods numbly. "I can... can head over now, clear everything out so you don't have to worry about it." He's pretty proud he managed that, maybe shakily but still. "Not like there's much, right? Quick enough job."

[corkscrewed]

"Don't be daft." It's said with the same thoughtless exasperation as before, even as Martin pauses at the threshold of the stairs. "You said you wanted to talk out of here, right? We're not going to get much talking done if you're gone by the time I get home. Just- wait for me to finish up what I'm working on, alright?"

[statementends]

"Of course." Again, proud of himself that he managed that much. If he wasn't entirely sure Martin wanted nothing to do with him he'd probably try to press Martin to come with him, hell to Elias and it all for one damn day. Elias made it painfully clear he was watching and there was little any of them could do without his knowing.

Well, at least he'd have time to take that statement, which is what he was going to immediately head over and do, though not before staring back at Martin a few long moments. Drama.

When Martin did get home he'd probably be just at the end of things, telling the recorder Breakon & Hope's other warehouse was a good a start as any.

[corkscrewed]

He wants to ask about the statement, and he will, but he needs a break from work. For just one minute, he needs to forget about statements and just take comfort in the fact that Jon is actually okay and that things are dire but not yet hopeless.

"Brought dinner," Martin says as he comes through the door, toeing off his shoes and nudging it shut behind him. "Just- soup and sandwiches from that shop near work. Probably not warm anymore, but I didn't even really think before I got on the train- was mostly just hungry. Sorry."

[statementends]

Jon blinks, quickly looking to the clock and- ah, that took longer than he thought. It usually did, to be fair, he should have finished packing before doing the statement.

Of course it was basically an addiction now, wasn't it? He frowns as he turns off the tape, glancing back when it popped immediately back on. Well then. of course. Their discussion was apparently of interest.

He turns his attention to Martin, somewhat surprised at the man offering him dinner but not overly. Even if Martin wanted him out of his house it was still so very Martin to make sure he had a good meal before going. They were apparently never going to be good at this. "No it's... Martin, is there anything I can do to change your mind? I don't have the right to ask, I know, Just-"

And then he stops, groaning. "No, no don't... you don't have to answer that." How did this fucking compulsion thing even work? He certainly had no idea.

[corkscrewed]

Martin stares at him, and it's possible that the compulsion doesn't work only because he has no idea what Jon's talking about. After a moment, carefully, he asks, "You... don't want a sandwich?"

[statementends]

Well. This wasn't what Jon was expecting, and again he struggles with how to ask a question without... asking a question. "You. You want me to pack up and leave." He tries, so clearly trying to chose his words carefully. "I want... I don't want to leave, I don't- I will, if you want, but if there's something I can do-"

He is Very Tired. And confused. Why would he be talking about sandwiches Martin.

[corkscrewed]

"Why are you talking so strangely?" Martin sighs a little, moving in to place the bag on the coffee table, beginning to dig through it. He grabs his own sandwich - which is, yes, just slightly cold - before he begins to unwrap it. Focuses on it instead of Jon. "And I didn't say I wanted you to leave, but I sort of assumed - well, your place is clear now, and it's not like you've been spending your time here."

[statementends]

"Oh... I thought- well, that you were breaking up with me." Jon admits, a little thrown for a loop since the last however long he had been struggling with that. Well, Martin didn't say he wasn't breaking up with him, just he wasn't kicking him out, which would be weird to allow him to stay if they were-

Ok, he was just. Going to stop. He walks over, hesitantly and wishing Daisy hadn't gone after his god damn throat of all things. Made long, dramatic explanations far more difficult. "And the talking is- maybe it should wait. You should eat, you're-" Probably beyond stressed and tired? Hm.

[corkscrewed]

"You thought I was-- oh my god, Jon," Martin says, glancing up at him when Jon approaches. He puts his sandwich down then, leans forward, and honestly scowls at him. It may be the most unhappy face Martin has ever made in Jon's general direction. "No, sorry, not breaking up with you, you're not that lucky. No, you're going to get to deal with the fallout of all of your extremely terrible decisions firsthand."

He's so, so, so tired.

"Sit down and eat and then I'm going to change the bandages on your stupid hand."

[statementends]

Jon tries not to look away and manages for all of a few moments before glancing to the side. If he wasn't feeling guilty as all shit on top of at least ten other emotions he'd probably be baffled at how intense Martin could be. It was kind of impressive? He was kind of proud of him? Probably not the best time to say that, so he nods, though the relief doesn't make him look as contrite as he probably should.

"... it's not that bad." He holds said hand to his chest but he does take a seat, probably rather famished because seriously, what the fuck was he eating for five days with what he had on hand? He pulls one of the sandwiches over, annoyed at doing everything one handed neatly and eventually giving up on it not being a bit of a mess. He is tired and starving and on his last rope, enjoy mutilation sandwich.

[corkscrewed]

Martin will watch him futz with the sandwich for a while, before the shuttered part of his expression seems to break. He exhales hard and then leans in, twisting enough to just barely touch his forehead to Jon's shoulder.

"I thought you were dead," he says simply, his voice a little strangled. "I thought- I mean, I hoped you weren't, but I couldn't figure out why else- how-" Another breath. "I'm going to be cross with you for a while."

[statementends]

Jon glances over, a snap of tension quickly melting back to a much stronger guilt. Lord, he was a complete ass, wasn't he? With everything that happened, with how Martin had nearly thrown his life down against Elias, he went and did this.

He reaches over with his good hand, gently running it through Martin's hair like he expected to be pushed away. Martin would certainly have the right to. "You should be. Honestly I'm not entirely sure why you still put up with me." He tries to say it as a joke but boy, there's some truth there. "In a way I'm grateful Tim hates me as much as he does. At least it proves you aren't... aren't forced into caring." He god damn hoped at least.

[corkscrewed]

"You'd have more than two friends if people were forced into liking you, Jon," Martin grumps at him, and perhaps that's something he'd be mortified to hear himself saying in any normal situation- this isn't a normal situation. "What happened to your hand? And- did Detective Tonner really do that to your throat?"

His voice drops slightly, as if he can't believe he's having to ask that.

[statementends]

Jon considers going more into it, if Jon was some... some weird monster in the making for being archivist than what about the assistants? Did they lose humanity too? They were already stuck at the archives, and really, if it wasn't for Tim Jon would wonder if they were compelled to care about him in some way. Sasha had, she risked her life to go see Michael, and Martin obviously...

He didn't want to think about it so he doesn't, for now. They'd get to that. "Do you remember statement- nevermind, just do you remember the girl named Agnes? Her strange life and abilities with heat, the group or... entity known as the Lightless Flame?"

Shit, he was asking questions again, but at least this was just basic information. If he did compell it wasn't that bad. He pushes on. "I managed to find a member of that- that cult, I suppose. Jude Perry. To make a long, unpleasant story short her price for information I couldn't leave without was shaking her hand."

He exhales. "Fared better than the man who kissed Agnes, I suppose."

[corkscrewed]

"Thank God you didn't kiss her, then," Martin murmurs, and it's obvious that he, too, is trying for a joke, but he doesn't really have his heart in it. "But yeah, I remember her. Or the group, really." Not that Martin had been obsessively listening and re-listening to what tapes of Jon's were easily findable in the Archives or anything like that. (Spoilers: he absolutely was.)

"It's probably... way too late for any burn spray, it's just a regular injury now. Really wish I could convince you to go to the hospital, but I've got the feeling you're too stubborn for that, so..." He sighs and leans up, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. "I got salve and bandages so we can at least keep it clean while it heals."

[statementends]

Jon exhales in what might have been amusement once. A little too much of everything for that now, and he was just getting started. "Avoid them at all cost, the only reason she didn't turn me into a roast is she felt she owed Elias for killing Gertrude." He makes a face at that. "I got her statement, in the end, but I never did find out why she hated Gertrude as much as she did. It... bothers me." He'd ask Elias but he had a feeling that wouldn't take. Elias was an ass like that.

He tries not to look grateful that Martin is giving him this, though his guilt manages to give him some common sense. "If.. if it gets worse in any way I'll go, I'll trust your judgment on that. Is that fair?"

[corkscrewed]

Martin nods, inhaling through his nose as he drops his hands and looks at Jon again. Well, the promise to see the doctor if things got worse was- something. Not much, but something. "Yeah. It's something. That's good."

Not the news about Agnes, or the Lightless Flame, but Jon's concession. Martin finishes off his soup, before he stands and moves to lock the doors, to pull the curtains. There's a restlessness to him now, like he can't decide what he's supposed to be doing with himself.

"I'll- right, I should probably get the sheets in the wash. I'll do that now."

[statementends]

"Wait-" Jon reaches out but stops, face twisting because of all the things they had to talk about there was one he couldn't avoid any longer. "There's something you need to know."

He takes a moment, trying to think of how to word it. "I ah... I only got Jude's statement because I compelled her to give it to me. I had no idea I could, or what it meant but- but it's true. People are... well, forced in some way, to answer my questions. I guess that's why I got half the damn statements I did and-"

He swallows. "And I most certainly used it on you, without knowing. It's likely the reason you were so open about your CV and... lord knows what else. I- I'm sorry, Martin, I may not be the most socially experienced but even I can see how- how monstrous a thing that is to do to your significant other, it-" He trails off. Enough rambling.

[corkscrewed]

"--what? That sounds-"

Martin's face screws up slightly, like he's worried about Jon's mental health, but that's hardly the most insane thing he's heard in the past twelve hours, is it?

"Jon, there's- there is nothing I've told you that I haven't wanted to tell you. Can you- show me? Like- can you do it now?"

[statementends]

Jon makes a face, he knew this was coming but he wasn't exactly eager to do it. Maybe he held some weird, half formed hope that his assistants would be immune.

"If you're sure." He finally says before regarding Martin again more seriously. "Martin, what's something you would never tell me of your own volition?" Now that he was aware and looking for it he swore he could feel something, something a lot like static. Daisy seemed to notice and Elias- he wasn't going to dwell on Elias' reaction.

[corkscrewed]

"I used to listen to the recordings you made when I was living at the Institute. It was like you were keeping me company. Used to help me sleep at night. Dunno if I can even count how many times I fell asleep listening to your voice."

Martin just sort of blurts this out, before his eyes go wide and he claps his hand over his mouth.

"Oh, my god."

[statementends]

"You- really?" Jon blinks, and yes a sane person would be focusing on the important shit here but not Jon. "That's ah... rather sweet, I suppose. Admittedly if it was anyone else it'd be thoroughly creepy but you've always been something of a special case."

He realizes after a beat he should, you know, address the important things. He clears his throat, which hurts thanks to Alice 'Dull Knife' Tonner and he grimaces. "Sorry, but do you understand now? As far as I know any question I ever asked you after becoming Archivist forced an answer, whether you wanted to or not. Every time I asked something personal, every time I was frustrated and demanded an answer- all of it, Martin."

[corkscrewed]

"It is creepy, which is exactly why I'd never intended to tell you." Martin isn't blind to the way Jon grimaces, though, and his eyes track back to his throat- linger there. "Do you want an ice pack or something? Will that help? And - yes, Jon, I get it, but that's fine. It's not like you were doing it on purpose, were you?"

[statementends]

"Was this before the- damnit all." Not being about to ask questions is killing him. He's too nosy. Fucking Elias and the fucking Beholding. "Nevermind, just... point out if I start asking questions, I'm trying not to." But he's nosy.

The fact Martin's only reaction is 'that's fine' throws him for a bit of a loop, and he ignores the throat bit. "I wasn't but- lord, Martin, I'm not even human. I don't even know how far this goes, and frankly Elias was god damned right. What does it matter if I wasn't doing it on purpose, I wanted to know and that fed this... this thing that's binding us all. I don't know where curiosity begins and it ends, or what it means for you, what the statements are doing to you or what an assistant truly is if the head of the Institute is some all knowing beast and the archivist is just his pet monster."

He stands and starts pacing as he says all this, someone's getting worked up. Frankly he was terrified about what this meant for the assistants, it felt too late for him and Elias, whatever the hell they were now.